Mindful Meditation
Alton: Hi Michael welcome to the chat.
Michael Dow: Hey Alton. Thanks for having me.
Alton: Okay guys let’s get started I want to introduce Michael Dow, M.S., MFTI who’s going to be discussing his work with the Holistic You workshop next Monday.
Lenny: Hi
Michael Dow: Hey everybody..
Jason: Welcome
Michael Dow Thanks!
Alton: Michael works as an intern psychotherapist with Beverly Hills-Sunset Psychotherapy, he helps people close the gap between where they are today and where they want to be through the support of individual therapy and mindfulness meditation workshops.
Michael Dow: That’s true…and we just moved. Our primary office is at Doheny and Melrose (steps away from the Weho Recovery Center), also have a secondary integrative wellness office at La Brea and Santa Monica at The Body Well
Alton: Just a few ground rules guys. Please respect others and their comments.
Alton: So Michael what brought you to the field of Mindfulness meditation?
Jason: What type of meditation is it?
Michael Dow: Well, I was always into yoga and things like that. In my Master’s program I was introduced to Mindfulness Meditation (I’ll call that MM from now on)
Lenny: I practice Hatha Yoga
Michael Dow: There are lots of different kinds, Jason. Cool Lenny.
Michael Dow: And this kind is NOT about thinking NOTHING and having your brain “empty”
Alton: Thanks love the shorthand
Michael Dow: I could never do that
Michael Dow: I lead meditations where I will have you keep your “mind’s eye” on an image or have you attune to something.
Michael Dow: For example, one of my favorites is having you imagine why
Jason: Okay
Michael Dow: Yourself sitting by a river and imagining that river containing thoughts.. and just allowing yourself to “observe” your thoughts.
Michael Dow: As opposed to being reactive to them, judging them, or analyzing them… kinda the same stuff yoga teaches!
Michael Dow: And these kinds of meditations are extremely successful in treating anxiety, depression, addiction.
Alton: So it sounds like there is an emphasis on focusing.
Alton: Hi Schmegster welcome.
Michael Dow: Yep, definitely.
Jason: How does this help a person?
Michael Dow: Well, Jason, so many times we’re on “autopilot” and we can’t tolerate painful emotions or thoughts.
Michael Dow: What if you were able to observe your thoughts and feelings without reacting to them?
Michael Dow: This is what MM helps you to do…
Michael Dow: We’re always going to have + and – thoughts/ feelings
Lenny: How could I use this for better sexual health?
Michael Dow: Well, Lenny, I think many people “self medicate” loneliness or sadness through unsafe sexual practices which can lead to complications for people living with HIV (or anyone).
Jason: But reacting comes naturally.
Jason: One can’t sit there with friends or lovers and just tell them wait a minute I.
Michael Dow: that’s true… we will always react to things… but what if you could teach yourself to become non-reactive sometimes.
Jason: I’m meditating how could this be practical in our busy lives.
Michael Dow: That’s true, and you don’t have to be this monk who is always in the “zen state”
Michael Dow: But I know that when I come home from a busy day sometimes I have trouble just relaxing or falling asleep MM helps you to be able to tap into that when you want to and be more “present” with friends and lovers.
Michael Dow: Leading to better and more conscious relationships.
Lenny: But if you just meditate wouldn’t this be a lonely life. I mean I like my sex WITH partners.
Michael Dow: Well, practicing MM doesn’t mean that you’re always by yourself.
Alton: Okay
Michael Dow: Just like practicing yoga doesn’t mean that you’re always in the downward dog, MM could improve your sex life by helping you to be more present!
Alton: So how does one become more present?
Michael Dow: In some of the MM that I lead, I may have you attune to your senses. For example, I may have you attune for one minute to every sound in you left ear.
Alton: I’ve done meditation and yoga for this purpose but there is a set time for it of course I like Jason’s question about making it practical.
Michael Dow: Just to begin to drop into this experience we call consciousness.
Michael Dow: Sure, I think that it’s very practical… let’s say you meet a guy for a first date and you (like everyone) has insecurities.
Lenny: Sexuality in this life is a good thing, I think I’ve been present at those moments I don’t use drugs or anything.
Michael Dow: I agree. Sexuality is a good thing.
Jason: Alright
Michael Dow: Being reactive to you insecurities may mean that you think maybe he doesn’t like me and you’ll react by doing something to push him away.
Jason: I’m following.
Alton: Interesting.
Michael Dow: Being MINDFUL is saying to yourself, “I’m noticing myself be nervous. I’m noticing myself want to push him away.”
Michael Dow: And while you’re MINDFUL of this it IS indeed there.
Lenny: But in order to know you are reacting you would have to be aware that you are doing it right?
Michael Dow: You don’t REACT to it by sabotaging the date, etc.
Michael Dow: Yes, Lenny, you do need to be aware of your thoughts and feelings in the moment.
Michael Dow: Without letting them control you… does that make sense?
Jason: Now would I be acknowledging this out loud or just in my own head?
Michael Dow: In your head in the beginning... of course when I do couples’ therapy (and you’ve been in a relationship for long time) then you can begin to acknowledge these to your partner.
Michael Dow: And I’ve seen this improve relationships like you wouldn’t believe!
Alton: For couples it would seem like this would be a step towards greater intimacy.
Michael Dow: Yes, Alton, it absolutely is!
Michael Dow: It’s the difference between snapping at your partner.
Lenny: But for us single guys how do I use this to make these dates workout I liked your example earlier?
Michael Dow: And saying I’m noticing myself feel very suffocated when you do this… and it makes me feel…
Michael Dow: Lenny, I think this is huge for single guys!
Alton: Interesting
Lenny: How so?
Michael Dow: Being mindful means that when someone pushes your insecurities, you’ve taught yourself to tolerate these thoughts/feelings in meditation….
Michael Dow: So you don’t need to react by pushing them away, engaging in game-playing, not calling them back b/c your afraid.
Michael Dow: You have taught yourself that you don’t have to REACT to that insecurity you have.
Michael Dow: And therefore have a good start of a relationship.
Michael Dow: Does that make sense?
Jason: Okay so lets say there has been some game playing, is there a way to communicate these feelings or thoughts after the fact?
Jason: I mean would I just fess up to being afraid to a guy I’m just seeing?
Jason: That would scare me off.
Jason: It’s very heavy.
Alton: Knowing yourself can be scary and difficult.
Alton: Hey Michael there is a lot of discussion around meditation, yoga assisting in well being.
Alton: What does well being mean for you?
Michael Dow: absolutely!
Michael Dow: for me, well-being is defined as feeling peaceful, connected, and having meaning.
Michael Dow: (as opposed to being defined as just not having symptoms) I think we’re too caught up with diagnoses and labels sometimes. Well-being doesn’t care if you’re HIV-positive or bipolar.
Alton: In the LGBT community how could this concept of well-being be applied?
Michael Dow: We can all create well-being in our lives.
Michael Dow: I think that the more people make choices to CREATE their well-being, the more happiness they will feel.
Jason: So what if someone has never meditated before?
Michael Dow: When people feel like things are “happening” to them… and that we have no control (i.e. I have this disease and I will take this pill from the doctor and hope it works but I have no way of knowing)
Michael Dow: The more things we are CHOOSING to do, the better!
Michael Dow: My class is designed for all levels!
Michael Dow: First-timers are welcome.
Alton: Taking more responsibility in ones happiness!
Michael Dow: And Yoga, meditation, exercise will always augment traditional western medicine.
Michael Dow: and make treatments more effective!
Alton: So Michael I noticed that you have also studied with couples “imago modality” Could you talk a little about this for those couples out there.
Michael Dow: Sure, if anyone watches Oprah Dr. Hendrix (the founder of Imago) actually did a session on her show last week.
Michael Dow: Imago and Mindfullness actually work well together.
Lenny: Oprah yeah!
Michael Dow: lol
Jason: Cute boys for everyone!!!!
Michael Dow: In fact, one of the first imago exercises is a guided meditation where you walk back thru time and see all the people in your life (parents, caretakers, boyfriends)
Michael Dow: And you note their positive qualities and thank them.
Michael Dow: But also tell them what you really needed from them and didn’t get.
Alton: Nice
Michael Dow: So a person who had a very distant parent who abandoned them will “repair” some of the things you didn’t get as a child thru your current romantic relationships.
Michael Dow: On some level, if your father/mother/caretakers were cold and distant, you may “pick” cold and distant men so you can get them to be there for you and loving.
Lenny: So if I’m seeking that hot guy your saying it’s because I didn’t get any love when I was a kid?
Michael Dow: We all pick the people in our life who will “heal” us.
Alton: That’s really intense.
Michael Dow: Well, not exactly… we all like hot guys and sexual chemistry
Michael Dow: But the people who we REALLY want to enter into long-term relationships will be the people who will help us grow which is kind of cool, really.
Michael Dow: There are 2 types:
Michael Dow: 1) pursuers and 2) distancers
Michael Dow: Most people who are distancers were suffocated as children or felt overwhelmed.
Lenny: Wow
Michael Dow: Most people who are pursuers felt abandoned.
Jason: hmmmm
Michael Dow: And pursuers and distancers will always be attracted to each other.
Alton: Hey Michael we are coming up on the end of the talk today.
Michael Dow: Okay, it’s been fun!!!
Michael Dow: How should we wrap up?
Alton: Would you like to mention any last things about this Monday?
Michael Dow: I’m really excited… it’s going to be great to be on a panel with other health professionals and real-live people so that we can engage in a discussion
Alton: Hey guys the conference will be Monday, May 12 6:30pm Buffet Dinner and 7:00pm presentation at the West Hollywood Park Auditorium 647 N. San Vicente Blvd. West Hollywood, CA 90069.
Michael Dow: And really talk about how all our modalities can help you.
Alton: If you would like to RSVP call 310-289-2551 or have any questions email acarswell@lagaycenter.org
Alton: Michael thank you for taking the time to be with us tonight.
Michael Dow: Thank you guys for being here! It was a pleasure!
Jason: This was cool
Michael Dow: J
Michael Dow: I agree
Lenny Thanks Mike
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