Ask The Expert #2 with Jeff Sumner

"Getting intimate and getting off without getting drunk/high."

(Please be advised that strong language was used in the following.)

Trevor (guest): I’m 21 and like dating.

Jason (guest): Thanks I’m 24 here

Jeffsumner (guest): Excellent Trevor.  My workshops really have a strong focus on dating issues now.

Alton (guest): Partying is okay but don’t do it in excess. I’ve been there.

Jason (guest): Well that is you. I’m not going to change my way of having fun.

Alton (guest): No one is telling you to do that, just monitor.

Jeffsumner (guest): Fun is one thing. Excess is another.  The difference between me and someone who can handle alcohol is that they can stop after one or two. I can’t. And FYI- A person can get addicted to meth after just one use.

Trevor (guest): I tend to be this sort but going out it is just all you see You know….

Jeffsumner (guest): Meth alters brain chemistry on the first use.  That’s why I am so passionate about getting people off that shit and learning to have fun without it.

Jeffsumner (guest): What do you mean Trevor. What do you see?

Alton (guest): So the meth topic. This is a big concern for the community at large that would say to yourself if you had the chance to do it all over.

Jeffsumner (guest): Good question.

Trevor (guest): I see guys partying and drinking and it’s just what everyone does.

Jason (guest): Oh god it’s fun

Jeffsumner (guest): I hear ya Trevor. I see a lot of it too. However, I’ve surrounded myself with man sober people in my life that get absolutely f---in crazy without drugs and alcohol.  If I could change what I did in the past? Nope. It made me who I am today. But I had to really go to the dark side to come out on this side.

Alton (guest): It is and we aren’t knocking that.

Alton (guest): Wow a little Carl Jung here.

Jeffsumner (guest): The dark reality is…if you are using Tina…it’s a matter of WHEN not if…you will hit bottom.

Jason (guest): Carl what?

Jeffsumner (guest): LOL

Trevor (guest): But why do people have to go to this darkside?

Trevor (guest): I see where it can go and it scares the shit out of me.

Jeffsumner (guest): Crystal meth will always take you there because of the fact that the brain can’t handle it.

Jeffsumner (guest): It should scare the shit out of you.

Alton (guest): Sorry Jason, Carl Jung was a psychologist.

Jeffsumner (guest): Didn’t he also start Carl’s Jr?

Jason (guest): It’s fun though and if I’ve got it under control it’s okay I’m not like other guys.

Alton (guest): Nice.

Jeffsumner (guest): I agree with you.  Right now it’s fun. And you may have it under control now. BUT…if you decide you want to stop…I can connect you with people that were in your exact situation that might be able to tell you their story. J

Alton (guest): There are a lot of people who have been there Jason.

Jason (guest): yah, I’ve heard it. I’m cool.

Jeffsumner (guest): And incidentally just caust I’m sober, doesn’t mean I’m a big borer. I can be a dirty whore with the rest of them.  He-he. J

Trevor (guest): This is what I see around me.

Jeffsumner (guest): So anyhoo… back to the point of all this. Sober Sex.

Alton (guest): This is really honest. I think some guys are trying to hide from this with the drugs and alcohol.

Jeffsumner (guest): That’s true.

Jeffsumner (guest): Drugs and alcohol may loosen us up sexually, but it often leads to bad decisions, guilt, shame, and generally not being present for your partner.

Jason (guest): I’m not hiding from anything it’s just fun.

Alton (guest): Could you talk about the ways that one can be present with their partner?

Jason (guest): F---ing is always best. J 

Jeffsumner (guest): Yes. Ask your partner if he likes what you’re doing to him.  Talk dirty. Express yourself. Tell him what you like and be as graphic as possible.  Catch him off guard. Role play. How’s that for starters.

Trevor (guest): So are you talking about communication more.

Jason (guest) I like it hard is that a good start….

Jeffsumner (guest): Yes.  That’s a huge deal. But I’m also saying be imaginative. Use toys, dress up, show off, and do stuff that allows you both to focus on each other.  When we drink and use…we tend to be really selfish sexually and don’t give a shit about our partners.

Alton (guest): Okay Jason

Jeffsumner (guest): When I was using, I didn’t give a crap about anybody else.  I only wanted my needs to be met.

Alton (guest): Caring about partners is what it’s all about.

Jeffsumner (guest): Now I totally get off watching my partner (s) get off. It’s much more intense.

Jason (guest): What’s wrong with that.

Trevor (guest): I think it’s selfish like Jeff is saying.

Jason (guest): ya ya

Alton (guest): So we are coming up to the end of our chat guys.

Alton (guest): This has been a really great start. SO Jeff when does the new format begin?

Jeffsumner (guest): I’m not going to defend my views or try to change your mind.  I can only say from experience that my life is significantly different now and a lot of it is due to the fact that I have a healthy sober sex life. J

Jeffsumner (guest): We will begin the new format starting in early March.  It’s gonna be AWESOME!!

Trevor (guest): Cool

Jason (guest): I’ll look for it.

Jeffsumner (guest): Cool. Play safe boys. And if you see me out and about… say hi.

Alton (guest): So your first one is at Pleasure chest any fun things you can share before we sign off.

Trevor (guest): Okay

Jason (guest): K

Alton (guest): Alright guys that ends the second Ask the Expert

Alton (guest): Thank you Jeff for being our guest this evening.

Jeffsumner (guest): He-He. Lot’s of surprises. Here’s a sneak peak Product Demos for the Sex Workshop in Week One. Week Two will also now incorporate building an online profile for internet dating. And Week Three- We’ll be going to a bar in Silverlake to see how we can practice our man skills for real.

Alton (guest): Looking forward to the new format and guys if you would like some more info on our programs feel free to email acarswel@lagaycenter.org or call 323-860-7323 for updates.

Jeffsumner (guest): Thanks guys. Have a great night. J

Alton (guest): Sounds like fun.

Alton (guest): Good night everyone.

Jason (guest): See ya

Trevor (guest): Bye

Comments

[Alike]

Hey. If you think taking care of yourself is selfish, change your mind. If you don't, you're simply ducking your responsibilities.
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Thanks for the help ;-), Alike.